Namibia: Reflections

*very long and sentimental blog post alert*

It’s been two weeks since Mum, Geoff, Caz and I were sitting in the sun at Heja Game Lodge.  With just an hour or two spare before catching a plane home to England, I was looking out on a beautiful lake and reminiscing on an equally beautiful nine weeks.  I think I cried at six different intervals on that overnight flight.  To be honest, I called Namibia ‘home’ from the first day I arrived (mostly to help myself cope), but it had become so familiar to me that the idea of ‘returning home to England’ wasn’t evoking the same feelings as it might usually.  As cliche as it sounds - and I think I knew this would happen - a part of my heart has been left in Namibia.  

I’ll be honest, I’ve been putting off writing this blog post for a while.  I thought two weeks distance would help, but the prospect of summing up my time in Namibia is still just as hard; in fact, with some of my clear memories beginning to fade and without the sufficient space to look on my trip in hindsight, this may perhaps be the worst time to try and finish my ‘Namibia blog posts’!  However I would love to continue blogging about other things (even if just for my own thought-processing!), so it’s probably best that I finalise this chapter.

Mum and I were able to end our trip with a bang - on safari, camping in Erindi Game Reserve: we heard lions roar as we lay in our tents; witnessed a crocodile catch a baby warthog at the waterhole (sad times); used Geoff’s bird app to coerce an eagle owl out from behind the perimeter fence; sat with the Shaves as they caught their first sighting of an Aardwolf; went on our own game drives in search of the big 5… it was incredible.

Geoff, Caz, Emily and Nate were my rocks while I was in Namibia. To be able to return from each daily adventure - whether that be from the school, the children’s cancer ward, a trip into Katatura, even just a meet-up with friends - and process with them was a true blessing.  The Shaves’ became my home while I was away… and home, in most circumstances, is a very painful place to leave.  My heart was changed pretty deeply while I was living in their house, so it holds a special little place on the timeline of my life.

There were two key experiences that were happening for me in Nam: an increasing understanding of Namibia, its culture and its people; and relationships built with people I encountered along the journey.  I am grateful for the students who work with CCC on their campuses - they have totally inspired me in my journey of faith, acting as real guide-posts for me while I grappled with lots of questions while I was away.  I am grateful for the teaching we had on the Old Testament during staff retreat (thanks Simon!), which revolutionised the way I look at the bible.  However, I think out of everything, I am most grateful to have had the independence, time and space to continue blossoming into my genuine self.  I didn’t see that one coming.  I am so, so glad that I didn’t have my trip hugely planned out.  It left so much room for God to surprise me and use me in different ways and places.

In reality, my experience was so good that despite the sad separation from the place and people, I look back at the memories and just beam from ear to ear.  The whole trip filled me with an energy to approach my life with joy, seeking God’s will in everything I do.  I wouldn’t change a thing.

My highlights:

• standing at the top of a sand dune on my first week, marvelling at God’s incredible creation and smiling a very big smile;

• playing Taylor Swift in the car and laughing at Caz’s inability to learn song lyrics (love you Cazza);

• visiting Petrus and his family at their home in Katatura;

• spending time on Prayer Mountain with 30 students praying aloud simultaneously;

• late-night conversations with Tjino in a Wendy House;

• playing with little Edina at the children’s cancer ward;

• seeing what a beautiful, fun-loving girl Nea has grown up to be since meeting her as a new-born;

• being able to hand-over 130 blankets to the Red Cross to bless vulnerable people in the informal settlement of Havana;

• going to the Queen’s birthday party at the British High Commission;

• talking about life and faith with Dana;

• sharing very happy memories with the students at my ‘goodbye picnic’;

• the reunion with my Mum;

• (and this one will be no surprise) …the sunsets.  All of them.

Starting the journey home

I have a hunch a lot of people relate to the way I feel right now… though my experience was so real and life-changing, there is definitely that sense of ‘returning back to normal’ - just like how I imagine my brother will feel returning from Soul Survivor tomorrow (a really amazing youth camp). I also imagine it’s not too dissimilar from the feeling my friends get when they come home from uni - perhaps a little bewilderment at returning to a place that used to be all they once knew… they are returning with new perspectives, perhaps changed hearts, to a place that probably hasn't changed with them.  One of my biggest pains is trying to describe my experience, when any words that I form never seem to do the experience any justice.

Saying that, the most amazing thing is that I somehow feel I'm still moving with the same momentum I had in Namibia. It's taken a few days of weird conversations, break-downs and downright confusion with these two worlds clashing in my mind.  However Mum's advice from 3 weeks ago continues to echo in my mind: “You are not going back to your old life.  You can continue moving".  I’m reading more books, I'm having more conversations; I'm doing more in my life to keep me moving forward.  I have been reminded that there is so much opportunity here at home, perhaps more than I can imagine right now.

So, in the confusion that I now find myself in, the question is this: what is my purpose in England?  A: To do exactly as I did in Namibia…

Spending time with a vulnerable family in Katatura? 

- Speaking to the homeless man on the ramp near Moor Street train station. 

Donating blankets to those who need it in Windhoek? 

- Donating my excess belongings to a place that will take them in Birmingham. 

Meeting students at UNAM and chatting to them about what Jesus means to them personally? 

- Meeting students at Durham and chatting to them about what Jesus means to them personally. 

Being more open about the faith I have in Jesus, and choosing to follow him each day? 

- Being more open about the faith I have in Jesus, and choosing to follow him each day.

I’m well aware that the UK is starkly different to Namibia. However my trip could not have been more timely.  The best thing about it?  Approximately 15 years after I chose to live my life fully committed to God and His plan for me, He met me in the desert-land of Namibia and captured my heart again.  I can say wholeheartedly that I feel more alive than I have ever felt before and for that, I can never repay Him.

In the heightened altitude of Windhoek, on top of the sand dunes in Sossusvlei, at the edge of the Atlantic Ocean, in the company of new friends, I experienced a deep closeness to God that I cannot deny.  My challenge coming home is to seek the same closeness with God throughout my daily life in the UK.  While my time in Namibia was a special one - an experience I cannot possibly repeat in the same way again - I know that my relationship with Jesus is a choice, and I wish to seek God here in the UK, just in the same way I sought Him in Namibia, every single day of my life.  If you ask me what was the main thing that I will take away from my trip, truthfully, that is it. 

Thanks for travelling the journey with me.

Lots of love,

Charis

Namibia: Week 8

I’m back in the serenity of Okapuka, drinking a vanilla milkshake and attempting to write my final blog post from Namibia (at least until I’m back here again… which is happening for sure).

I have learnt first-hand to believe the person who once said: “time flies when you’re having fun”.  The fact that I have been in Namibia for about as long as I’ll be in Durham each term blows my mind.  Is it too cliche to say that Namibia now feels like a home to me?  Has that been blatantly clear to you all this whole time anyway..?  I suppose I'm pretty transparent!

The long-awaited Cheesman girls reunion was as I expected: dramatic, tearful and totally, totally wonderful.  I was waiting at the airport in anticipation on Sunday night as the arrival doors suddenly swung open, Momma walked out, I defied the “please wait behind this red line” stickers, ran to her and, let’s be honest… of course I cried.  We both cried bucket loads.  Having her in my world is so good.  We had scheduled in an official ‘catch-up date’ on Monday but on Sunday night it was too much of a struggle to hold in half the things we were wanting to share.  The phrase: “I’ll tell you more tomorrow, but…” was used many times that evening.

Reunions are the best!

Despite a very exciting 'hello', this week is all about goodbyes.  Frankly, the 8 weeks of adventure seem to be catching up with me and I feel pretty exhausted (in a good way though).  

Saying goodbye to the students in particular has been the epitome of ‘bittersweet’.  Lots of us went for a picnic last Thursday in Parliament Gardens (idyllic setting for a goodbye) …although I hadn’t realised that one of the main reasons for this gathering was to say goodbye to me - probably should have cottoned-on a bit faster, really!  I can honestly say that the love the students have shown me in just 8 weeks has absolutely astounded me and I am deeply changed as a result.  My friend, Tjino had arranged for me to have a book of messages from many of those I’ve met (my heart…) and I was ready to say a little thank-you speech to them all as she gave it me.  Little did I know there was so much more planned.  Another of my friends, Job stood up to read a poem he had written for me and I wanted to bawl my eyes out - in thankfulness and in laughter at how accurately it depicted my character.  How have they come to know me so well in such a short space of time?!  My favourite line is: “An accent that spoke so kindly, so polite; Saying “Sorry” and “Thank You”: morning, day and night”.  What can I say… I’m a Brit through and through.  Eleven others wanted to share something before I could thank them… they told me of their thankfulness for the way I have impacted their lives (do they understand how much they have impacted me?!), joy at the friendships that have blossomed and their hopes for me to return quickly back to Namibia.  Sadly I am going to be a poor student for many years to come… perhaps a trip to England is in order for them all.  I am so excited for the way I believe these students are going to impact university campuses with their amazing message of God’s love.  I hope to hear many stories on WhatsApp.

Tuesday

Tuesday was a very special day for Mum and I.  It meant a lot to have her join me in some of the places I’ve been to… to see some of the people and places that have changed me most deeply.  

Some kind friends from home had donated some money specifically for the children’s cancer ward that I visited during my second week in Namibia.  Mum, Dana and I were able to take some parcels of money, phone credit, socks and a bible verse (classic John 3:16) to the cancer ward, handing them out to each of the mums that were sitting with their sons or daughters.  The mums are used to receiving gifts for their children so many of them were taken aback in confusion that these gifts were actually for them to keep themselves.  It was a special hour, yet successful in breaking all of our hearts once again: Mum and I will continue to think of a little boy with cancer in his jaw - a visible representation of the evil that exists in this world and brings destruction to so many and so much.  I know how difficult Mum found the experience as she went for the first time, but even Dana, someone who comes to the ward regularly, told us that she will never get over the pain of visiting… it is significantly harder for her as she makes deep and personal connections with these children and more often than not must grieve their deaths.  This place is painful, but important to be aware of.

Momma and Baby Petrus

Katatura was the next place I wanted to see.  The town has really been on my heart since I visited with the team from Texas and I wanted to go there once more.  This time I was allowed the privilege of visiting the house of a new friend, Petrus and his wonderful family.  From the excruciating sadness of a cancer ward, we were welcomed into a small, dark tin house owned by a very joyful, God-loving family.  Their house is simple: no lighting and only one bedroom for Petrus, his wife and their six children.  Caz, Mum and I were moved by their love and joy despite the fact that they have so little. Petrus’ 2 year-old son named… Petrus, immediately stole Mum’s heart with his cheeky smile and infectious giggle.  Petrus has built a church (a tin building off the side of his home) which about 30 from Katatura attend each week.  He has such a passion to speak to his neighbours about Jesus and I am so encouraged by the simple, yet effective way he brings church into poverty-stricken Katatura.  Petrus is the definition of humble.  

My day was rounded off wonderfully as I sat in a student bible study with girls I’ve truly come to love and who inspire me hugely in the way they live their lives, the way they relate to one another and by how much they truly love Jesus.  By the end of Tuesday my heart was full.

On Wednesday I had to say a sad goodbye to my Grade 4 classes and was honestly quite touched by their sadness at my leaving and their kind words in regards to my teaching…there’s another career path to confuse my post-uni decision-making!  See pictures below of some of the coolest 10 year-olds in Nam.

Grade 4A

Grade 4B

Some very happy girls!

All that’s left of my Southern Africa adventure is a final weekday to bid farewell to the CCC team and pack my bags, a weekend at Erindi (there’s no better way to finish my time here than camping by a water-hole) and a goodbye coffee with the Shaves before Mum gently nudges me onto a plane.

I can’t tell you how painful this goodbye is going to be on Monday. 

But, as for today… it’s Christmas!  Time for a Namibian-winter celebration with Christmas dinner, Christmas presents, Christmas music and great friends.*  

Lots of love,

Charis

*yeah, I know it’s July… some of the Brits in Namibia have a bonus Christmas celebration around this time of 
year since December in Namibia is absolutely boiling (not that it’s exactly COLD here right now!  Haha.)  Really though, Mum and I would celebrate Christmas every month if we could. 

Petrus' wonderful family in Katatura

Grace and Baby Petrus being totally cute

Some of my good friends in Parliament Gardens

Namibia: Week 7

Being back in Swakopmund after six years reminded me just how much life I’ve lived since my last visit.  I love Swakop.  It’s the beachy part of Namibia that I know, filled with cutesy souvenir shops and colourful houses.  The Shaves and I spent a few days of escape there this weekend to play on the beach, take hundreds of photos of flamingos (well, a good 70/80!), wander about the shops, look at pink salt pans, play games and eat good food.  If you’re ever passing through Namibia (as ya do…), be sure to visit The Tug restaurant near Swakop’s jetty and also Anchors, a cafe in Walvis Bay.  Good meat and chocolate can be found in abundance.

I really don’t know how I will bear the parting from Namibian sunsets, I’m telling you… I was graced with a sunset from the top of a sand dune and two from the beach this weekend and I truly think I’ve discovered an earthly heaven.  Even as I write this, Caz has just called me outside of our house to look at another… and it’s blazing orange.  England, you’re lovely, but I’m sad to say you’ll never impress me with your sunsets in the same way again.  Africa is where it’s at.

Quality time was also spent with two particular girls this week: my Namibian-adopted little sister Emily, who traipsed many Swakop shops with me in search of cute gifts; took some lovely snaps on my camera; and strolled along the beach with me, talking about life and all its adventure.  She reminds me so much of my 13-year-old-self and is such a wonderfully compassionate girl with a big heart for other people.  She also really makes me giggle (and so does my adopted little brother, Nate).  Glad to have spent eight weeks experiencing what life might have looked like with a little sister!  I also got the chance to have coffee today with a gorgeous girl (inside and out) called Haley, who I think is basically an American version of myself.  We talked of our mutual love for ballet, love for God, confusion about life, and hearts for Africa (not necessarily in that order!)  I think meeting new people is a favourite pastime of mine.  Thanks for being a new friend to me, Haley!

beautiful Emily

I’m also speeding through a great book at the moment called ‘Out of the Black Shadows’ - an autobiography of a man, Stephen Lungu, who fell into deep trouble and despair as a young boy, became heavily involved in a violent gang as a teen, but speaks in his book of the way he ‘met God’ in the middle of all this, one night in Zimbabwe.  It totally changed him and within a day, his life became solely about telling others his story - of the day he discovered who Jesus was and the way he could change lives.  It’s one of those stories that is so shocking it takes your breath away… yet one that is hard to deny.  These are the kinds of books I want to read at the moment.  I’m gripped.

Thank you, by the way, to those who prayed for my strange aches and pains last Friday.  I chose to visit the doctors in the end, feeling slightly anxious as I searched for my travel insurance and remembering my hope that I would never have to dig out those papers!  Thankfully the doctor said it was merely a strange reaction to a Namibian bug, so I’m all recovered and back to normal after a little bit of rest.  I told Caz on Sunday that I was feeling “more better”, at which point she suggested that I’ve been living in Namibia too long!!

Also, after receiving some very kind donations from church friends at home, I finally ventured out to purchase a bulk-load of blankets today for a Red Cross appeal in Namibia.  The guy in the shop jokingly offered us as many blankets as we needed: “even a hundred”… Caz and I paused with a grin on our faces and said: “er… yes please!!!”  He was a very sweet guy, totally taken aback by our request but so willing to help us out. After stuffing 109 thick blankets into the car (see photo), we still have 20 more to buy!  The Red Cross team are so excited to have them and I’m so looking forward to dropping them off on Friday.

But of course, the big news of the week is that MY BEAUTIFUL MOMMA IS COMING OUT HERE TO NAM ON SUNDAY AND I’M GOING TO GIVE HER THE BIGGEST SQUEEZE EVER.  I fear the end of an 8-week separation is going to be rather too much to handle and that all the people heading to Windhoek Airport on Sunday should perhaps brace themselves.  Cannot wait to be reunited.

Here’s to my final week in Namibia.

Lots of love,

Charis

Swakopmund 2009

Swakopmund 2015