Namibia: Reflections

*very long and sentimental blog post alert*

It’s been two weeks since Mum, Geoff, Caz and I were sitting in the sun at Heja Game Lodge.  With just an hour or two spare before catching a plane home to England, I was looking out on a beautiful lake and reminiscing on an equally beautiful nine weeks.  I think I cried at six different intervals on that overnight flight.  To be honest, I called Namibia ‘home’ from the first day I arrived (mostly to help myself cope), but it had become so familiar to me that the idea of ‘returning home to England’ wasn’t evoking the same feelings as it might usually.  As cliche as it sounds - and I think I knew this would happen - a part of my heart has been left in Namibia.  

I’ll be honest, I’ve been putting off writing this blog post for a while.  I thought two weeks distance would help, but the prospect of summing up my time in Namibia is still just as hard; in fact, with some of my clear memories beginning to fade and without the sufficient space to look on my trip in hindsight, this may perhaps be the worst time to try and finish my ‘Namibia blog posts’!  However I would love to continue blogging about other things (even if just for my own thought-processing!), so it’s probably best that I finalise this chapter.

Mum and I were able to end our trip with a bang - on safari, camping in Erindi Game Reserve: we heard lions roar as we lay in our tents; witnessed a crocodile catch a baby warthog at the waterhole (sad times); used Geoff’s bird app to coerce an eagle owl out from behind the perimeter fence; sat with the Shaves as they caught their first sighting of an Aardwolf; went on our own game drives in search of the big 5… it was incredible.

Geoff, Caz, Emily and Nate were my rocks while I was in Namibia. To be able to return from each daily adventure - whether that be from the school, the children’s cancer ward, a trip into Katatura, even just a meet-up with friends - and process with them was a true blessing.  The Shaves’ became my home while I was away… and home, in most circumstances, is a very painful place to leave.  My heart was changed pretty deeply while I was living in their house, so it holds a special little place on the timeline of my life.

There were two key experiences that were happening for me in Nam: an increasing understanding of Namibia, its culture and its people; and relationships built with people I encountered along the journey.  I am grateful for the students who work with CCC on their campuses - they have totally inspired me in my journey of faith, acting as real guide-posts for me while I grappled with lots of questions while I was away.  I am grateful for the teaching we had on the Old Testament during staff retreat (thanks Simon!), which revolutionised the way I look at the bible.  However, I think out of everything, I am most grateful to have had the independence, time and space to continue blossoming into my genuine self.  I didn’t see that one coming.  I am so, so glad that I didn’t have my trip hugely planned out.  It left so much room for God to surprise me and use me in different ways and places.

In reality, my experience was so good that despite the sad separation from the place and people, I look back at the memories and just beam from ear to ear.  The whole trip filled me with an energy to approach my life with joy, seeking God’s will in everything I do.  I wouldn’t change a thing.

My highlights:

• standing at the top of a sand dune on my first week, marvelling at God’s incredible creation and smiling a very big smile;

• playing Taylor Swift in the car and laughing at Caz’s inability to learn song lyrics (love you Cazza);

• visiting Petrus and his family at their home in Katatura;

• spending time on Prayer Mountain with 30 students praying aloud simultaneously;

• late-night conversations with Tjino in a Wendy House;

• playing with little Edina at the children’s cancer ward;

• seeing what a beautiful, fun-loving girl Nea has grown up to be since meeting her as a new-born;

• being able to hand-over 130 blankets to the Red Cross to bless vulnerable people in the informal settlement of Havana;

• going to the Queen’s birthday party at the British High Commission;

• talking about life and faith with Dana;

• sharing very happy memories with the students at my ‘goodbye picnic’;

• the reunion with my Mum;

• (and this one will be no surprise) …the sunsets.  All of them.

Starting the journey home

I have a hunch a lot of people relate to the way I feel right now… though my experience was so real and life-changing, there is definitely that sense of ‘returning back to normal’ - just like how I imagine my brother will feel returning from Soul Survivor tomorrow (a really amazing youth camp). I also imagine it’s not too dissimilar from the feeling my friends get when they come home from uni - perhaps a little bewilderment at returning to a place that used to be all they once knew… they are returning with new perspectives, perhaps changed hearts, to a place that probably hasn't changed with them.  One of my biggest pains is trying to describe my experience, when any words that I form never seem to do the experience any justice.

Saying that, the most amazing thing is that I somehow feel I'm still moving with the same momentum I had in Namibia. It's taken a few days of weird conversations, break-downs and downright confusion with these two worlds clashing in my mind.  However Mum's advice from 3 weeks ago continues to echo in my mind: “You are not going back to your old life.  You can continue moving".  I’m reading more books, I'm having more conversations; I'm doing more in my life to keep me moving forward.  I have been reminded that there is so much opportunity here at home, perhaps more than I can imagine right now.

So, in the confusion that I now find myself in, the question is this: what is my purpose in England?  A: To do exactly as I did in Namibia…

Spending time with a vulnerable family in Katatura? 

- Speaking to the homeless man on the ramp near Moor Street train station. 

Donating blankets to those who need it in Windhoek? 

- Donating my excess belongings to a place that will take them in Birmingham. 

Meeting students at UNAM and chatting to them about what Jesus means to them personally? 

- Meeting students at Durham and chatting to them about what Jesus means to them personally. 

Being more open about the faith I have in Jesus, and choosing to follow him each day? 

- Being more open about the faith I have in Jesus, and choosing to follow him each day.

I’m well aware that the UK is starkly different to Namibia. However my trip could not have been more timely.  The best thing about it?  Approximately 15 years after I chose to live my life fully committed to God and His plan for me, He met me in the desert-land of Namibia and captured my heart again.  I can say wholeheartedly that I feel more alive than I have ever felt before and for that, I can never repay Him.

In the heightened altitude of Windhoek, on top of the sand dunes in Sossusvlei, at the edge of the Atlantic Ocean, in the company of new friends, I experienced a deep closeness to God that I cannot deny.  My challenge coming home is to seek the same closeness with God throughout my daily life in the UK.  While my time in Namibia was a special one - an experience I cannot possibly repeat in the same way again - I know that my relationship with Jesus is a choice, and I wish to seek God here in the UK, just in the same way I sought Him in Namibia, every single day of my life.  If you ask me what was the main thing that I will take away from my trip, truthfully, that is it. 

Thanks for travelling the journey with me.

Lots of love,

Charis